Illustrative sample — not a real student submission.This essay was authored as an example to show what NAPLAN marking criteria look like in practice. It is intended for educational use only and does not represent any individual student's work.

Year 3Narrative

Year 3 Narrative Sample: The Magic Umbrella

Prompt:

Write a story that begins with the words: "The umbrella was not like any other umbrella."

The Marked Essay

Tap a highlighted phrase — or a criterion below — to see how this sample scored against each of the 10 marking criteria.

💡 Click a criterion below to see exactly where it shows up in the writing.

The umbrella was not like any other umbrella. It was bright orange with silver stars that sparkled even in the dark. Mia found it under a park bench on the way home from school.

She opened it and, suddenly, everything around her changed. The footpath turned into a rainbow path that floated above the clouds. Mia gasped and held on tight.

The umbrella carried her over her street, over the school, and over the whole town. She could see her house below. She could see her mum hanging washing on the line. "Help!" she called, but her mum couldn't hear.

Then the umbrella began to spin. Mia felt her tummy flip. She closed her eyes and whispered, "Please take me home." At once, the spinning slowed. The umbrella floated gently down and landed her right on her front doorstep.

Her mum came running. "Where have you been?" she asked. "Nowhere," said Mia, hiding the umbrella behind her back. She smiled a secret smile.

Audience

5/6

The writer maintains a consistent, imaginative tone throughout that engages the implied young reader. Word choices like "tummy flip" and "secret smile" are well-pitched for the audience. A score of 6 would require an even more sustained sense of the reader — some of the middle section is slightly expository.

Text structure

5/6

Clear orientation (para 1), complication (paras 2–3), resolution (paras 4–5). The structure is controlled and complete. A score of 6 would require a more developed complication or an embedded subplot.

Ideas

4/6

The central idea (magic umbrella flight) is imaginative and developed across the response. The detail about seeing the mum hanging washing is an excellent specificity choice. Some mid-section ideas (flying over landmarks) are listed rather than developed — this is the main constraint on score.

Character & setting

4/6

Mia is established with a clear voice and a believable reaction (gasping, holding tight, whispering). The setting shifts from ground to sky effectively. A score of 5–6 would require more specific character interiority or a richer sense of the world below.

Vocabulary

3/4

Mostly well-chosen words: "sparkled", "tummy flip", "floated gently", "secret smile". Some reliance on common verbs ("came running", "came"). Appropriate for Year 3 top-band vocabulary with room for further variety.

Cohesion

3/4

Connectives ("suddenly", "then", "at once") maintain flow. Pronoun reference is consistent. Occasional abrupt shift between paragraphs 2 and 3 holds this from a 4.

Paragraphing

4/4

Five well-defined paragraphs, each with a clear focus. Paragraph breaks align with narrative shifts. Excellent for Year 3.

Sentence structure

4/6

Good variety of simple and compound sentences. Some complex sentences with subordinate clauses ("even in the dark", "At once, the spinning slowed"). A higher score would require more complex-complex or subordinated structures.

Punctuation

5/6

Consistent and accurate use of full stops, commas, exclamation marks, speech marks, and apostrophes. Dialogue punctuated correctly. One opportunity for a colon or dash was missed.

Spelling

6/6

No spelling errors across all words including ambitious choices ("sparkled", "whispered", "doorstep"). Full marks.

Scores are for this illustrative sample only — not a real student result.

Overall Performance Note

This illustrative Year 3 response sits in the upper-mid performance range. The narrative structure is complete, the ideas are imaginative, and the language conventions are largely accurate. To reach the highest band, the student would need more sustained development of character interiority and a richer variety of sentence structures.

Marking Criteria GuideUnderstand all 10 criteria in detail Year 3 PracticeWrite your own essay and get AI feedback

Explore more sample essays from other year levels:

View all sample essays