Illustrative sample — not a real student submission.This essay was authored as an example to show what NAPLAN marking criteria look like in practice. It is intended for educational use only and does not represent any individual student's work.
Year 5 Persuasive Sample: Phones Should Be Banned at School
Prompt:
Some people think students should be allowed to use mobile phones at school. Write a persuasive text giving your opinion on whether students should be allowed to use phones during school hours.
The Marked Essay
Tap a highlighted phrase — or a criterion below — to see how this sample scored against each of the 10 marking criteria.
Mobile phones have no place in classrooms. While parents may feel reassured knowing their child carries a phone, the evidence shows that phones cause significant harm to learning, attention, and social development during school hours. Schools must act now by implementing a complete ban.
Most importantly, phones destroy concentration. Research from multiple Australian schools demonstrates that students who keep phones on their desks score, on average, 20 per cent lower on attention tasks than students whose phones are stored away. Even silent notifications — a vibration, a flashing screen — are enough to break a student's focus for up to five minutes. In a 40-minute lesson, that lost time accumulates into a lost education.
Furthermore, phones damage students' ability to form genuine friendships. When students reach for a phone at lunch instead of talking to peers, they miss the social practise that builds communication skills, empathy, and resilience. These are not skills that can be downloaded. They are built in hallways, in playgrounds, and in the unscripted moments between classes.
Some people argue that students need phones for safety. However, schools already provide a safe environment and every office has a phone available for emergencies. A student in genuine danger does not need a personal device — they need a responsible adult, and schools provide those.
Therefore, the case for a phone ban is overwhelming. Governments, parents, and school leaders must work together to protect students' learning and wellbeing by removing phones from classrooms entirely. The only text that belongs in a school is the kind written with a pen.
Audience
The writer consistently orients writing towards an implied adult/policy audience while remaining accessible. High-modality language ("must", "overwhelming"), rhetorical questions implicitly answered, and the punchy final sentence all show strong audience awareness throughout.
Text structure
Introduction (position + preview), three developed body paragraphs (learning, socialisation, safety counter-argument), and a call-to-action conclusion. The structure is purposeful and complete.
Ideas
Two strong, well-developed arguments with evidence and elaboration. The counter-argument is addressed. The essay would score 6 with a third substantive point or more specific Australian evidence.
Vocabulary
Precise and varied throughout: "significant harm", "accumulates", "genuine friendships", "resilience", "unscripted", "overwhelming". No weak generic words. Strong word choices that fit the persuasive register.
Cohesion
Connectives used purposefully ("Most importantly", "Furthermore", "However", "Therefore"). Consistent tense and pronoun reference. Ideas flow logically from paragraph to paragraph.
Paragraphing
Five clearly defined paragraphs, each with a distinct function. Topic sentences introduce each paragraph's focus. Paragraph length is appropriate and varied.
Sentence structure
Good range: short declarative ("Mobile phones have no place in classrooms"), compound-complex ("Research from multiple Australian schools demonstrates that..."), rhetorical ("These are not skills that can be downloaded"). A sixth mark would require even more stylistic control in every paragraph.
Punctuation
Accurate and purposeful throughout. Dash used for stylistic effect, apostrophes correct, em-dash-like comma constructions controlled. No errors detected.
Spelling
No spelling errors. Ambitious words ("resilience", "accumulates", "unscripted") spelled correctly. Full marks.
Scores are for this illustrative sample only — not a real student result.
Overall Performance Note
This illustrative Year 5 response is a high-performing persuasive essay. Vocabulary and language conventions are at the top of the Year 5 band. To reach the absolute ceiling a student would need a third fully developed argument and more sustained syntactic complexity throughout every paragraph.
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