Illustrative sample — not a real student submission.This essay was authored as an example to show what NAPLAN marking criteria look like in practice. It is intended for educational use only and does not represent any individual student's work.

Year 9Persuasive

Year 9 Persuasive Sample: A 16+ Age Limit for Social Media

Prompt:

Many countries are debating whether children under 16 should be banned from using social media. Write a persuasive text arguing whether or not Australia should introduce a minimum age of 16 for social media access.

The Marked Essay

Tap a highlighted phrase — or a criterion below — to see how this sample scored against each of the 10 marking criteria.

Australia stands at a defining moment. As other nations retreat from the question, we have the rare opportunity to lead: to establish that the mental health of children is not negotiable, and that a minimum age of 16 for social media access is not overprotection — it is the responsible minimum. The evidence is unambiguous, the technology to enforce it exists, and the cost of inaction is being paid daily by the youngest members of our society.

The research consensus is now inescapable. The Royal Children's Hospital National Child Health Poll (2023) found that 58 per cent of Australian parents reported social media as the single greatest source of anxiety in their child's life. Longitudinal studies from Jean Twenge at San Diego State University track the precise inflection point — 2012, the year smartphone adoption crossed 50 per cent — after which adolescent depression rates in OECD nations began a sustained rise. Correlation, sceptics will say. But when the correlation spans 37 countries, coincides with a single technological shift, and is replicated in every demographic subgroup, it ceases to be coincidence.

Critics raise the objection of enforceability. If teenagers circumvent the age verification, what has been achieved? The same argument was made about seat belt laws in 1972, about minimum drinking ages, and about every piece of protective legislation that inconveniences adolescents. The answer is always the same: imperfect enforcement raises the cost of harmful behaviour sufficiently to reduce it. A 16-year-old who must create a false identity to access social media has introduced friction. Friction saves lives.

There is a harder question beneath the enforceability debate: are we prepared to acknowledge that the design of these platforms is intentionally addictive? The documents released during the Facebook whistleblower case confirm what researchers suspected — engagement metrics are optimised for compulsive use, not user wellbeing. Requiring platforms to verify age is, at minimum, a lever that forces them to know who is using their product. That accountability has value independent of perfect enforcement.

The counterargument most likely to resonate with teenagers is the autonomy argument: young people have a right to access information, community, and identity expression. This is true, and it matters. The age limit does not remove those rights — it delays the unmediated exposure to algorithmically amplified peer comparison during the most neurologically vulnerable period of development. A 16-year-old with a developed prefrontal cortex is categorically better equipped to navigate these environments than a twelve-year-old. Biology, not paternalism, draws the line.

Australia has led on public health before. We introduced plain packaging for tobacco before any other nation. We mandated bicycle helmets while other countries debated. We did not wait for perfect evidence — we acted on sufficient evidence, and children are alive today because of it. The evidence for a social media age limit is now sufficient. The only question is whether our lawmakers have the resolve to act before the cost climbs higher.

Audience

6/6

Sustained, sophisticated reader-awareness throughout. The writer anticipates objections, uses historical analogy for rhetorical effect, and modulates tone (authoritative in paras 1–2, intellectually honest in paras 4–5, emotionally grounded in para 6). The implied audience — a policy-literate adult — is addressed consistently.

Text structure

6/6

Six-paragraph structure: position statement, primary evidence, enforceability objection (with counter), platform-design argument, autonomy objection (with counter), historical precedent conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear function and the whole text builds to a purposeful close.

Ideas

6/6

Four distinct, well-developed arguments with specific evidence. The writer moves beyond assertion to mechanism (how the harm works, why enforcement still has value). The autonomy concession in para 5 shows the highest level of argumentative sophistication.

Vocabulary

4/4

Exceptional: "inflection point", "longitudinal", "algorithmically amplified", "neurologically vulnerable", "compulsive", "paternalism", "inescapable". Every word choice is deliberate and appropriate to the register. No generic or weak vocabulary.

Cohesion

4/4

Cohesion is a structural strength of this response. Logical connectives ("however", "therefore", "at minimum", "independent of"), consistent tense, clear reference chains, and the policy-frame through-line create a highly cohesive argument.

Paragraphing

4/4

Six purposefully structured paragraphs. Each opens with a clear topic focus and develops it completely before moving on. Paragraph length varies appropriately with argument complexity.

Sentence structure

6/6

Exemplary range and control: tricolon constructions, fragment-for-effect ("Friction saves lives"), embedded relative clauses, concession-pivot structures ("This is true, and it matters"), long periodic sentences followed by short declaratives. Structures are never accidental.

Punctuation

6/6

Accurate and rhetorically purposeful throughout. Em dash for apposition, colon to introduce list, parenthetical dates, apostrophes correct. Punctuation consistently enhances rather than merely marks.

Spelling

6/6

No errors including highly technical vocabulary ("longitudinal", "algorithmically", "neurologically", "paternalism", "compulsive"). Full marks.

Scores are for this illustrative sample only — not a real student result.

Overall Performance Note

This illustrative Year 9 response is a top-band essay across all ten criteria. The argument is rigorously constructed, the evidence is specific and named, the counter-arguments are engaged rather than dismissed, and the language conventions are flawless. This is a Band 10 calibration anchor.

Marking Criteria GuideUnderstand all 10 criteria in detailYear 9 PracticeWrite your own essay and get AI feedback

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